A Day I Will Always Remember

February 8, 1996

A day I will always remember

I remember suffering through yet another day in Trig and Pre-calc. Back then I rocked at math so it wasn't the class itself. It was Brank the Tank. I swear he was drunk most of the time, just going through the motions to get the class done with.

I had the option from my mom to stay home from school that day. I knew I should but I just could not sit there waiting. If I went to school my mind would be forced to think of other things.

And then it happened. Tony appeared in the doorway of the classroom. It was his turn for office duty, something that a student could opt to do instead of wasting away in study hall. He had a look about him and I just knew he was there for me. He walked in, handed the little yellow slip of paper to the teacher who then looked at me and said it would have to wait.

Our eyes met. I knew what had happened. I would not wait. It didn't matter that there were only 5 more minutes left in class. I would not wait. I stood up and walked out. A very bold move coming from a rather introverted girl.

I walked down the hall with Tony. Did it happen is what I asked. All he could do was shake his head. The bell rang as we walked. Students spilled out of classrooms. A few friends passed us in the hall. One look and they knew.

February 8, 1996, 4 days shy of turning 17, is the day my dad passed away.

The emotions one deals with at such a time are difficult ones. Add to what I felt at the time to be a rocky relationship made them even harder. My dad and I were both stubborn. When we would get going, there was the potential for a lot of yelling within the walls of our house. The last conversation I recall having with him was one with voices raised. It was trivial, but in my 16 year old eyes, I did not see it as such. I do believe it was yet another go around about not wanting me to hang around with a certain friend. One who wore black, fishnet stockings, and GASP, turned me on to 90210.

Many years have passed and I am now finally at peace. The guilt is gone. For many years I was mad that we couldn't have just one more talk. But I realize now that those exchanges, even if escalated, were out of love and the need to protect.

Until next time....


HeartsMakeFamilies said...

I can't imagine what it is like to lose a father. What I can tell you is that he knew that you loved him. (((Hugs)))

Kmama said...

I'm so sorry you lost your father, and that your last memory of a discussion is not the best. But I'm sure there was much love between the two of you as well.

Kristin said...

I can't even imagine what it must have felt like losing your father at that young age. {{{Hugs}}}

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Oh how sad. I am so sorry for your loss. What happened to your father? I will be a mess when one of my parents goes. Can't imagine it as a teen. Hugs and *smooches™ to you.

Genevieve said...

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost my father in law a few years ago, not on the same level as losing a father, but for me, he was the dad I had always wanted to have..and our last few year were strained a bit, as dh and I were moving in directions he didn't agree with..so his last days were filled with pain for us, and longing for a last, better conversation/meeting of hearts. I get that part.

again, so sorry.

alicia said...

Sorry for your loss.

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing your memory. I can imagine it took time to get over since you were so young.

Beth in NC said...

I hopped over from blogfrog. You have a new follower. I hope you'll come visit me as well.

I'm sorry about your Dad. My husband lost his Daddy in 1996 too. My Dad is elderly, battling cancer -- very hard to watch.

Take care!