One More Day

One more day until things begin to change for us. I'm mostly excited, but I'm also scared, nervous and a bunch of other emotions that I can't put into words.

A friend of the husband's was bugging him to talk to the people at the company where he works because they were hiring. The husband wasn't searching for a new job but he agreed to talk. Probably to get his friend to stop bugging him. One talk led to another and that talk led to a trip to meet these people in person. This process lasted a few weeks and to say it wasn't nerve wracking would be a lie. A big one. The husband claimed he wasn't nervous. or at least at first. If things didn't pan out, he would still have a job. A good job that paid the bills, put food on our plates and a roof over our heads. But this new potential job... it was good. And I was a mess over it.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sit still. I know my husband is smart and I know he is very good at what he does. But what if. I hate what if's. I didn't want to doubt him. And I really didn't. But what if.

And it turns out my what if's didn't matter. I'm so proud to say that I have one more day of driving him to and from work and I couldn't be happier. I am so excited to see where this next chapter takes us. And him!

But the selfish part of me is so very thankful for that one more day and no more. Having to take him to work means more time in the car for me and less time to do the things that I need to get done. I always feel rushed. I hate feeling rushed. But after our drive today, I'm honestly scared to get back in the car and be on the highway.

I was in the car with the Dude and we were almost to our exit off the highway and a few minutes away from the husband's office. Suddenly all three lanes of traffic stopped. When traffic in the right lane slows or stops, it's usually because someone is driving entirely too slow for the highway or lots of people are lined up waiting to get off at the next exit. But all three lanes? Something bad happens to cause that and today was no different.

Driving on the highway everyday, you see things. Bad things. Probably more than most drivers because more bad things tend to happen on a highway compared to a residential street. And today? It was bad. very bad. I didn't see what happened. From what I'm reading in the news, I'm very thankful I only saw the aftermath. But I wish I didn't see anything at all. I've never seen CPR being done on someone in a true emergency. I've also never seen a dead person outside of a funeral home. I quietly cried as I drove by to get to my exit. the last I wanted to was explain what I just saw to my 9 year old. Childhood innocence only lasts a short while and he didn't need to know what we had just passed. My heart goes out to the deceased's family. I know bad things will continue to happen, but I'm so very thankful for one more day. One more day on a road where these things happen. One more day before one chapter closes and another exciting one begins. One more day at life.

Until next time...

Let Them Be Safe

I'm not really sure when it came to be a thing but apparently bomb threats are a thing.

It breaks my heart when I watch the news and hear about office buildings, schools, even neighborhoods that are on lock down because someone threatened to detonate a bomb. I'm sure it makes me sound older than I am, but when I was growing up, if you had a problem with someone, you met outside in the parking lot at the end of the day and released your frustrations with words and fists. Now, children are scared when they see a threat written on a bathroom wall in a building where they're supposed to be safe. All the kid wanted to do was pee!

I'm not naive, but I also don't live in fear. We've talked to our kids about bad people in the world and things they can do to keep themselves safe. I want them to live their lives, but also be aware of what is going on around them. We talk about how to stay safe when they want to walk to or from school. We've also had conversations about what others can do to keep them safe after hearing about tragedies such as Sandy Hook. New security policies were put into place at the schools here. Teachers and staff were trained. Book bags are to be kept in lockers.

All that being said, having these conversations and actually dealing with a potential issue are two totally different things.

My daughter recently came home with a letter from her middle school. A serious threat had been discovered written on a bathroom wall. The letter detailed what was found, what was done by the police and was would be done in the coming days to ensure the safety of the students and staff. I'm confident everyone is doing what needs done and my daughter will be safe, but it scares the hell out of me that this is happening in our neighborhood and in our schools. These threats can happen anywhere and, unfortunately, they do. I'm lucky if I can properly hard boil an egg so it blows my mind to think that a middle schooler knows how to make a bomb. I'd like to think they can't, but again, I'm not naive. The internet can be used for good and evil.

I know I can't put my children in a bubble to shield them from the evils of the world. What I can do is give them the tools to go out there and live and be safe. I just don't understand how it has come to this - sending our children out into a world riddled with evil. Sometimes all the security and training can't help as much as you'd hope.

Until next time...